Kristine Che Photography Blog

Wedding and portrait photography in Southern California

It comes in 3 waves May 31, 2010

Filed under: personal — leeleeche @ 5:06 am

The first, usually one where you are still alive and breathing and smiling. It is wonderful and happy and light. the sun shines brightly and you are strong and healthy against a backdrop of a perfect blue sky with billowy white clouds that never block the sun’s rays. Strong, tall, a picture of perfect heroism and strength. The warmth engulfs me, the smell of jasmine intoxicates me and the world could not be more perfect. As if the time space continuum exists to provide this day as a brilliant epic, all others are only previews and credits.

The second, macabre and cold. The dealth, blood, grey skin and a tuft of hair that is a reminder of how lifeless the body really is. Gone, Gone, Gone. If I had known yesterday the past 24 hours would have been spent differently. But no, there is no warning. Just silence and cold. Unbearable cold, freezing, numbing, deafening cold. It is over quickly, my one consilation.

The third, a small ray of hope. A glimpse of the first harbinger of dawn. That one small warm blip set low on the horizon. It is so comforting. So rich in experience and yet so illusive. I want it to expand. I try to reach out and grab it, suck it out of the abyss from wence it came. But I can’t. There is no worldly material to grasp, only light, photons, flux, luminance. Not matter. Not concrete, wood, cloth. Not Electrons, Protons, Neutrons. For this is what you are now. Only a thought, a memory. In this I take comfort. I can bring you back at will.

I awake from this one smiling. Wishing I could keep myself in this wonderland and feel it again. The warmth of the sun as it kisses the horizon. And then, reality. Life, as mundane and average as it can be. But I am reminded. Make this one great. Make it count. Because there is no warning.

Dedicated to a dear friend who I lost nearly a year ago. The 3 dreams came quickly for which I am grateful. It is always how I say goodbye. Saying hello again has been a kalidoscope of feelings. Great and painful at the same time. Eventually though, only the good is remembered.

Hug your loved ones. Your spouse, your kids, your dog. Because for most of us there is no warning.

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